i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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