if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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