Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
