So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
