Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's shark week go big or go home
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize