i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
