I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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