Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
