god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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