you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
