i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
