I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
