i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize