I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
