no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
