We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
