my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
