Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
