Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
