i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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