mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
