she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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