I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
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Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother