I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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you will always have a special place in my vag
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
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I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.