i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
