Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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