I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
