I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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