He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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