In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
