I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
