He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You need Xanax blowdarts
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
