and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
