Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
