i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Drunk is a universal language darling
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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