Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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