Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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