Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
