Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
being pregnant is like rehab
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
