Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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