Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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