Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
