This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
