I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
please come you make the beer taste better
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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