I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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