afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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