How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
