At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
