Just fell off a train. Bad.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
