you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
