Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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