She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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