We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
