i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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