We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
