I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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