her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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