Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
