Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
