umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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