Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
